Need to make a good impression - please help!

[Omma Velada]

Hi there, I am requesting a transfer from one French school stie to another and need to make a good impression! Please could you proof my French and check it is all correct and adequately sycophantic?!

Thanks so much,

T

 

The Poplar vsite, where Céline is currently being schooled, is on the other side of Thornton from our home, meaning that she is often tired on arrival at school, and again when she arrives home to start her homework.

 

Le site de Poplar, où Céline est actuellement scolarisée, se situe de l’autre côté de Thornton par rapport à notre maison, ce qui fait qu'elle est souvent fatiguée en arrivant à l’école, mais également quand elle rentre à la maison pour faire ses devoirs.

 

 

On the other hand, the Canton site is the closest school to our home (only 8 minutes on foot from our front door!), and is also extremely close to our son’s school (Walsham school), so a transfer would mean an end to Céline's tiring school run.

 

Par ailleurs, le site de Canton est l’école la plus proche de notre maison (seulement 8 minutes a pied de notre porte d’entrée!) et il est aussi extremement proche de l’école de notre fils (Walsham school). Un transfer sera donc la fin aux aller-retour fatigants pour Céline.

[Neil Coffey]

Onma -- I think your French is very good. No doubt others will have one or two suggestions, but I'd just suggest the following:

 

- de notre domicile rather than "de notre maison"; to avoid repetition you could in the second instance say "la plus proche de chez nous", though it is just to avoid the repeition

- be careful not to miss out the à in "à tout juste 8 minutes à pied" (I suggest "tout juste", but "seulement" is OK); I'd probably not bother with "de notre potre d'entrée", or maybe put "de porte à porte"

- be careful of the spelling of transfert in French, and I think it would be more idiomatic to say "mettrait donc fin aux...".

 

[Erwan]

I would just add something for the last phrase:  "Un transfert mettrait donc fin aux trajets fatigants pour Céline" or "Un transfert permettrait donc à Céline de ne plus être fatiguée par ces longs trajets".

 

[Omma Velada]

Thank you so much Neil & Erwan, that's very helpful. Fingers crossed for the transfer now!

Take care,

Omma